Decoding Disappointment with an ED
Having an eating disorder can mean that you are dealing with a lot of emotions at once. Working on your recovery may mean that you’re dealing with 10x those emotions at once. In this post I’d like to talk about disappointment. It’s an emotion that is not talked about enough and can be very nuanced and specific. Here are a few ways that you can recognize disappointment and keep going while continuing to press forward in your recovery.
Disappointment in the MIDDLE of an ED:
Disappointment may appear when you aren’t seeing the results you want. It can show up and be associated with perfectionism and the ever-changing finish line of an ED. If the rules of the ED are always changing, how are you ever going to measure up? This is where depression or anxiety may start to slip in. You may start to isolate yourself for fear of the disappointment you will feel when you are unhappy with how you look or how much you eat. You might find yourself avoiding certain clothes, avoiding group meals, begin to obsessive over food intake, or refuse to be in photos, etc.
Disappointment can appear when you realize you are missing out on experiences with others. While the ED voice is telling you that you are safer being at home, eating before/after, or avoiding talking to other people, there’s probably a part of you that experiences FOMO and desires to be with others and feel normal. This disappointment is SO important when recovering because it can be a great motivator to try new things and break out of the isolation cycle.
Disappointment that you are struggling. You might be thinking, “Well, I’m following all these rules and (maybe) seeing the results that I want, but why do I feel so poorly mentally and physically? Why am I not as happy as the people I see on Instagram or TikTok?” Once again, this comes down to the fact that you will never be enough for your ED (and comparison is just stealing your joy). Thus leaving you tired, lonely, and in need of a change.
Disappointment to recognize when STARTING recovery:
Disappointment that you don’t immediately start to feel 100% physically or mentally. It is a common misbelief that you will instantly feel back to normal after taking your first (or even 100) steps in recovery. It takes time, however, to get your body out of survival mode…up to a year in many cases. At first, it may even seem worse. When this happens you think, “What’s the point of making things harder for myself?”. Remember, all change takes time to get used to. There IS an endpoint though where you will feel more stable and energized again. You may even find yourself connecting with those around you and hopefully finding joy.
Disappointed that you are uncomfortable in your body. The truth is, body image changes from day to day. There is body hatred/dislike, body acceptance, body trust, body neutrality, body compassion, body respect, body tolerance, body love and even body liberation! Over time, as you work with your dietitian and therapist, you will hopefully find a way to live in your body as it is. While body love is an amazing goal to strive for, it may not be realistic for quite some time. Making peace with your body can sometimes be a life long process and will definitely look different than other’s journeys. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Your story is unique to you.
Disappointment that the ED voice lives on. As you continue to work on your relationship with food and your body the ED voice should decrease but may never fully go away. That’s normal and nothing to fear. If you find it flaring up again reach out for support until you feel settled again.
As our clients enter the latter phases of recovery they often realize they haven’t thought about their weight or how many calories they’ve had all week! Others say that they are now able to take spontaneous trips or go on late-night sweet treat runs with friends without feeling dread in the bottom of their stomach. The stories abound and the freedom is beautiful to see.
Bottom line: There is hope and freedom in ED recovery!!!!
Disappointment can come in many different shapes and sizes when you are recovering from an eating disorder. Set up an appointment with us today to continue moving forward. We are here to support you in any way we can!
Written by Trinny Duncan, Student Intern and Peggy Pratt, PhD, RDN, LDN, CEDS-C