Developing Boundaries Isn't Impossible
Developing boundaries is not an easy practice, particularly in recovery, when the eating disorder voice will do anything it can to pull you back into old habits. You may start to feel guilty or wonder if you are being overly sensitive in certain situations. You might tell yourself to “just deal with it” or go to an event, even when you know it won’t be a healthy experience for you. You may also struggle with how to communicate boundaries or how to set them at all when everything feels so complicated.
First, it’s essential to set boundaries around things that are clear hindrances to recovery. For example, consider unfollowing influencers or old classmates who frequently post about weight loss, dieting, or body-checking photos. You may even choose to limit your time on social media altogether. Unsubscribe from emails promoting dieting programs. Throw out food scales and body-weight scales. While it may not feel like it at first, these actions are boundaries you are setting with yourself—protecting yourself from unnecessary exposure to triggering content.
Consider turning your back on dieting too. Diets may seem harmless initially, but every diet promotes restriction in some form. Over the years, countless diets have circulated, each claiming to be backed by “evidence.” There is almost always a spokesperson insisting this is the way you need to eat to look or feel a certain way. The truth is, diet programs and spokespeople for these programs don’t know what your body needs.
If you believe you need to change the way you eat or take care of yourself, seek professional guidance. In recovery, you may not be a reliable source when it comes to adjusting your eating or exercise habits. In fact, many people—regardless of whether they struggle with disordered eating—do not know how to nourish themselves adequately. Allowing trained professionals to guide you toward what’s best for your body and mind can feel uncomfortable, but it is worth it. Often, what you believe is “best” is actually the eating disorder attempting to regain control.
We all live in bodies of different shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, many (though not all) medical professionals focus primarily on numbers and may overlook the mental and emotional experiences of their patients. Being honest about your history with an eating disorder or disordered eating at the start of a medical appointment can be incredibly impactful. We offer resources and handouts to help you advocate for yourself.
That said, it’s not easy to ask not to be weighed or to request that your BMI not be discussed—especially when the eating disorder part of you wants that information. It can also be difficult to tell a provider that you do not want to pursue weight loss, particularly when that recommendation feels like permission to slip back into old behaviors. Try to remember that one doctor’s visit does not define your worth. Creating a game plan with a therapist or registered dietitian before your appointment can help ensure the experience is as supportive and manageable as possible.
Navigating relationships with family and friends during recovery can also be stressful, especially if they are unaware of your journey or not sensitive to the work you’ve done. When possible, honesty is key. If certain topics arise, you might share that you are working on your relationship with food and your body and would like to avoid negative conversations about weight or dieting.
If a particular friend or family member feels especially triggering, it may be necessary to take some space—especially during more vulnerable phases of recovery. While this can be difficult, setting boundaries is important when you know an interaction is more harmful than helpful, even if only temporarily. It’s also worth remembering that most people are not trying to make recovery harder. Many truly want to support you. Identifying the people you feel safe being honest with is essential, as community is a vital part of recovery.
Finally, having a few grounding mantras to lean on when entering potentially triggering situations can be incredibly helpful. Here are a few from a blog post we shared about a year ago:
Your body is unique. What works for someone else is not necessarily what is best for you. Avoid the comparison game. As one wise saying goes, “Never compare your inside to someone else’s outside.” You don’t know what others have eaten or done that day—just as they don’t know your experience. Nourish your body based on what you need.
You have come so far. All progress is good progress, even when the eating disorder says otherwise. You are worthy of care.
Most people are not judging what or how much you eat. You are more than your food choices.
Looking to book an appointment with a registered dietitian? Set up something with us today! We can help you make game plans for family gatherings, school, work, the doctor’s office and get you started on the right path in your recovery.
Written by Trinny Duncan, Student Intern and Peggy Pratt, PhD, RDN, LDN, CEDS-C